Losing a best friend can be devastating. But it happens to everyone at least once, right? The thing is, people change, life gets crazy, situations change, and there’s nothing you can really do about it. But the end of a friendship is all about you. It’s nothing but you. It’s almost like a personal attack on your character. Someone who once thought of you as a beautiful soul now sees nothing but ugly within you. They wanted to talk to you everyday and now they’re willfully distancing themselves. The friendship just dies, and so does the person you once knew. Here today, gone tomorrow. It’s scary how easy it can happen, how simple it is to disconnect yourself from someone’s life. When the five-year bond you have with someone who feels like family dissolves right in front of your eyes.
What sucks is I was left wondering, “was it really worth it?”. Why let such a stupid argument, or disagreement ruin what we have? People have arguments everyday with the ones they love and they get over it, right? Well that’s what I always thought. But I was wrong. What I learned in this is that you really learn about someones character by how they treat you at the end of the friendship, rather than how they treated you during. How someone treats you is how they feel about. Period. You don’t just meet someone in life and become their “best friend” overnight. Just like you wouldn’t tell a stranger all your secrets, fears, and biggest insecurities in life. The scary thing is we are strangers now. Another scary thing, is there’s no one that can destroy you as bad as an ex best friend can. Or they can at least try. If a person that once claimed to be your best friend uses everything they know that hurts you, against you, were you ever really friends with them? That’s where I am right now. You wake up and read as they continuously “trash talk” you on social media everyday. Tweet and post about how bad of a person they think you are. Using some of the things they know or think they know about you JUST to try to destroy you. Pretty low right. Sure, it may hurt or just plain piss you off. Maybe so much you may want to say something as well. Who really has that much time though?? Also if you feed into people like this, you will always lose. Their goal is to hurt you and make you look bad, and the minute you retaliate they win. It’s never worth your time.
Reading all the crazy twitter rants and toxic words being posted made me almost feel bad for you. When two people as close as we were have a “dispute” you’d think we could solve it with a simple coffee date and mature discussion. Think not, because that obviously couldn’t happen. That’s the way I wish it could have happened. Maybe we could still be friends? Although I don’t think it was supposed to happen that way. The hateful things that were said, or should I say “posted” and “displayed all over social media for all to see”, really made me realize something. Our friendship didn’t mean what it meant to me to you. I would never try to destroy a person I once loved. Especially over social media. Maybe that’s just my character though. Everyone is different, and when a person is angry they may say things they don’t mean… we all have done it. But I know you meant what you said. Because I know you. I should have seen this coming to be completely honest. You’d constantly speak negatively of the ones you surrounded yourself with and called your “friends”. I totally get venting about certain people sometimes, but this was constant. Constant negativity being spread behind your “friends” backs. This made me think to myself one day… “do I get talked about this way to others”. Then I reassured myself that you were my best friend and that would never happen. I never spoke of you that way so why would you speak of me that way. Best friends don’t do that. Man was I stupid. But you showed me your true colors and I knew after all of this that we would never be what we once were.
It was time for me to move on. How do you move on from the person you once told everything to? The person you constantly talked to everyday? The person you thought would always be by your side? Well when they hurt you, or I should say (try to hurt you) like you did to me it’s easy. Harsh, but true. It’s still makes me melancholy at times. Like the other day I was driving with my playlist on shuffle and “True Friend” by Hannah Montana came on (that was one of our songs, corny I know). It made me miss you for a split second. That feeling occurs sometimes but it doesn’t ever last, and that’s how I know I’m growing apart from you. It feels almost like a fresh start. The pain and anger of our failed friendship is over. I can breathe again.
You’ll always have certain memories that you will always want to remember and cherish. That’s the beautiful part of any relationship. Remember the good times you had. Smile and cherish them. That’s exactly how you move on with your life. Also when it comes to truly moving forward from a broken friendship forgiveness is key. Forgiving does not mean you’re going to forget what they said and did. Most importantly it does not mean that hurting you was okay. It simply means that you have acknowledged the wrong that has been done to you, and you are choosing to move on from it and no longer linger on it. If you can forgive, you can officially say you have moved on from them. You may have planned to sit in rocking chairs, sipping lemonade with this person when you’re 100 years old. It’s sad to let those dreams go. But when you move on from a friendship that isn’t working anymore, you’re also giving yourself time to spend with the amazing friendships you do have! That’s even better.
So this is goodbye. After everything I still wish you nothing but the best. I want nothing more than for you to find yourself, and to be unapologetically yourself. You don’t have to keep portraying this fake persona. Be YOU. Because I know deep down there’s the caring, thoughtful, “do anything for anyone” person within you that I once knew and loved.